Climbing out of the darkness...

I kept fighting to see the light, but all I could see was darkness...

 How I got through the past few months, isn’t a matter of luck it’s a matter of hope, courage and hard work.
My home was becoming a mess, my work was suffering, I was becoming a mess; my mind and body were suffering. Somehow I managed to get myself to show up for work, to go through the motions but other than that, I was sleeping life away. It was getting more and more difficult to want to do anything: I didn't feel like eating, exercising, socializing, or working. Everything and anything seemed like a monstrous ordeal.

My former behavioral therapist told me that one day I’d be really challenged, that I’d be thrown off course, and all my progress would be put to the test… I answered "that can’t happen because I don’t know how I’ll make it through".   She assured me it would happen, and i would make it through.  


Well, Tina, it’s seven years later and you were right.

I was starting to become hopeless again -
​my spirit was broken,
I was losing focus more and more each day.
  

I’m a professional, I encourage, inspire and motivate people for a living, yet I was falling apart piece by piece.  On the outside I may have appeared  as though everything was fine, but those closest to me could tell that I wasn't.
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I should have been focusing on all the wonderful people around me: on opportunities; on being mindful, present, hopeful and thankful; on accomplishments, potentials, and inspiration, on 'being the change I wish to see.'
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"Be the change
​you wish to see in the world"

What we see depends on what we look for…  ​

Instead I was focused on all the hate, anger, greed, disappointment, and hurt surrounding me, which created hopeless feelings. I was focused on all the negative energy around me, from angry, mean, greedy, unhappy, dishonest people, the ones who, if we allow them to,  can throw us off course.


Recognizing I was in a dark place, I had a choice, choose to give in and give up or fight back. I choose to fight! I fight to find my happiness, find balance, to give back to others, to be part of the light, part of the spark, part of the reason there are so many, happy successful people, reaching more of their individual potential.
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​Everyday I fight, some days more than others.  

It is not easy, it takes a lot of effort, it takes help (sometimes professional help).  It is easy to say you want to change, it is easy to say you are going to change, what’s hard is actually making it happen.  


I’ve learned, through cognitive therapy, it takes constant work to change thoughts, behaviors and feelings in order to create new outcomes.  Our mind is a powerful thing,  what we focus on, we become.  The mind can tear us down but it can also build us up, allowing us to achieve whatever we deem possible.

 I’m the same person I was a few months ago, yet in my mind, I’m a better version of me.  
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In order to climb out of the darkness, I took myself back to the basics, I used the tools I share with others that until I was recently shaken, were second nature to me.  I’m the same person I was a few months ago, yet in my mind, I’m a better version of me.


First I had to reflect and figure out what I could do differently to create a different outcome.
Usually spending time with my nieces and nephews would help redirect me, but even this wasn’t helping.  I had gotten lost: I realized something more had to be done, that I had to change my mindset.
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If you're going to change your mindset, you must train your brain to believe in the possibilities of each day. At first, you may only be thinking or saying these positive thoughts to yourself, not truly believing them but eventually you will change your mindset.  Your mind hears everything you say, be kind, be hopeful, be brave!    Becoming more positive truly is powerful, being positive is powerful!  
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I went back to my bubble charts, my goals, my plans; at the heart of it all, I choose to be happy. Happiness isn’t found, it doesn’t appear in front of you, it is created.To achieve my goal of being happy, I attempt to find balance between health, home, work and relationships.  After I reflect on each area, I determine what I need to do in order to improve. Instead of saying I am making changes to my life, I choose to call them  improvements!

Knowing what I need to do and actually doing it are two different things,
especially when you don’t feel like doing anything at all. 

I am proud to say that I have been fighting back, I am making improvements one opportunity at a time.
I have been forcing myself to put one foot in front of the other, to do what I know is right, trusting I will feel better in the future. I follow my guidelines for healthy living; healthy eating, exercising, and positive self talk. I have also made it a point to incorporate more volunteer work into my schedule.

I continually remind myself that we will not always be at our best,
​
​but we can do our best at the present moment. 

​I Teach

I Reflect

I Learn

I Evolve…

​In everyday, there lies opportunity.

I end each day reflecting and begin each day with positive affirmations.

When I rise, I redirect my negative thoughts by turning them into more positive thoughts, feelings and actions!

When i rise, I tell myself it is going to be a great day!
I create my happiness by choosing my attitude and choosing my reactions to everything that happens throughout the day.
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I used to loathe the idea of dragging myself to work at 5am on Monday morning until I changed my thinking. I changed how I approached the day, I now love 5am Monday morning.

I choose to look at the opportunities of each day from a different perspective. Instead of: waking up and immediately determining how long it is until I get to go back to sleep, dreading the idea of completing all the activities of the day ahead, starting my day with negative thoughts, I start by using positive words and actions.
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I think about how I can use my job to make a difference in the lives of the people I encounter.

I get to make a difference on Monday morning,
I get to inspire, encourage and motivate my team.
I get to help others set their day up,
​I get to help others prepare to unleash their potential that hour, that day, that week.

I choose to believe there are good intentions, I choose to trust, I choose to be hopeful. 

I choose not to be part of gossip.  It can be ugly out there, remember that those who speak negatively of someone or something can be toxic to your happiness.  Don’t be part of the negativity, choose for yourself not based off of what someone else thinks or says.  I remind myself often, that everyone has “issues,” things they are dealing with that may shake their confidence, cause insecurities and unnecessary thoughts, feelings or behaviors.  Instead of getting upset with them, I choose to empathize and move on.
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​If you are feeling stuck,

if you are feeling like there has to be more,

​then there is! 

​Instead of doing the same boring routine, change it up, try something new.

​ You create your happiness and it starts with your attitude!

Try approaching each day with the idea that each day is filled with opportunities:

to make a difference,
to inspire those around you to reach more of their potential,
to create happiness,
​to create the best year of your life… 
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When you work hard each day at helping others, your are becoming the best version of you! 

Tina was right, I am making it, I am forging my way, finding my way back to happy, balanced and hopeful.  Make no mistake, it is not easy, but it is possible!  

“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. 
​ Nothing can be done without hope and confidence” Helen Keller